Back to the Road....

I apologize to anyone that reads my posts, for being negligent with regard to new material. I want to say thank you to those that have read what I have been putting up.

I have finally been cleared back to full duty status starting tomorrow. Which means I get to go back on road patrol and do what I enjoy doing most in my profession... Getting out there and mixing it up! It's been a long and turbulent time since April... Having my shoulder "re-built", dealing with the funks that certain medications put me in, having my beautiful daughter victimized by a truly evil person, to being couped up in a desk assignment. However, as my recent posts have outlined, I have been blessed with the true beauty and wonder of love. And believe me, those negative things pale in comparison to the happiness, joy and strength I feel because of it... I Love You, Jessica Lynn!

I hope that I can make this turn of events, going back to road patrol yet another milestone or benchmark toward restoring the vigor that personified my life prior to these events. So it is with great excitment and enthusiasim I return again to where I belong.... That is, getting my guns in the fight.

Train hard, train smart, everytime, all the time!

Chris

A new door...

Today I learned a little more about what it means to be in love. To be in love is to be able to recognize that it is not how someone makes you feel better about yourself, therefore you are “in love”. That is self centered and conditional. It’s learning I can feel loved by being able to put that temptation aside and make her see that I know she has REAL feelings of her own. That she needs me to hold strong when she feels hurt, disappointment & pain.

A new door opened for me… for both of us I hope. It wasn’t difficult. I do not want this to be interpreted as though I am seeking some sort of pat on the back. I want to share with her that I felt a closeness in my heart and sole that was most incredible.

Everyday, Jessica. Everyday I seem to encounter a new and remarkable experience with love because of you. You are amazing.

All My Love,
Chris

This weekend was one of the best experiences I’ve had in my life… A vacation with MY FAMILY… All seven of us! LOL! I am at a loss for words to accurately describe it for the reader of this blog to fully comprehend what it meant & means to me. The only exception will be the ONE that this blog has turned out to be about. Only she will be able to understand… My only hope is that it had the same effect on her as it did me…
I sit here now in front of this computer writing out the thoughts that I have as they flow from my heart to her. I love her so much. This past weekend at Michigan Adventure water park & Lake Michigan, I know was the beginning of many more wonderful times that the future holds for all of us. I have a permanent smile upon my heart thinking and knowing that we have taken yet another step in building memories of US!
I thank God for whatever guiding hand he dealt in causing our paths to finally come together. I remember so vividly, like it were yesterday… Many years ago, seeing the most beautiful woman I have ever seen… She was wearing a beautiful flowing sun dress, with flowers on it and dancing so elegantly across a dance floor. Her hair, her eyes… She seemed to almost be floating above the ground. Although she didn’t have a clue who I was, I knew who she was (is) and that I loved her.
Strangely enough, this majestic beauty, still has that dress! When I asked her why she had saved it for so long, she didn’t really know why… All she could say was that she thought she “might” want it again for some reason…. I believe with all my heart that she kept it in her closet for all these years so that we could both look at it sometime and smile together about this phenomena.

The speechless writer...

I’ve said many times that I cannot find the words to describe you, the happiness that fills my heart and soul which comes from my ever evolving love for you. You have said many times that you love to read what I write. It may sound sort of self absorbed for me to say that I too love to read the words that I am able to write… “Able“, because of you. I feel double the joy from the experience… Writing and reading what I’ve written about my love for you, my dear. It seems as though I’m reading about my own dreams. Then I wonder for a second… “Who wrote this”… I DID!

I know without a doubt, I have found what is my life’s greatest journey. A journey into a world I did not know existed or could exist with me. You have taken the doubt and shattered it with a love that has no limit. It is the most completely exhilarating experience I can imagine. Everything shines like the burning sun on a crystal clear “blue bird” day with you in it! My heart explodes with warmth every time I see you and hear your voice. The love and peace that nearly overcomes me as you sleep and I lay next to you and listen to your breathing.
Our future is a path of pure joy that makes my heart smile. I have no fear of what lays ahead… I have only have excited anticipation. Anticipation for the many, many great memories we will create together. The bleak path that I had nearly accepted as my lot in life, has been awakened by your sunshine. I have been awakened because of you! You are my life’s blessing. Thank you, Jessica Lynn… Thank you!

All my love, all the time, forever.

The Invitation...

JESSICA LYNN,

It doesn't interest me what you do for a livingI want to know what you ache for,and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.It doesn't interest me how old you are.I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,for your dreams,for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore, be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the Fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Orion Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

Fate & Destiny

Where does fate meet destiny? For the unfortunate, they never realize their destiny in life or do they? Destiny I believe is often confused with a truly amazing occurrence in your life. However, to the evil one (you who you are) your destiny is being realized and it is not a good thing. Although it is the right thing that will happen. You will reap all that fate has in store for you. Good rid ens!

As I have said in the past... good things happen to good people. My father used to say.. "Early to bed early to rise. Work hard all day, tell no lies" I have always tried my best to keep these words close in mind. My destiny is unfolding before my eyes. And it couldn't be more wonderful. She is all that is dear to me. Today we talked for a long time about how I believe fate has kept us in close proximity. I believe this with all my heart. It wouldn't have played out the way it has. There is no other way to explain it. You finally came into my life. This is where fate has been met by destiny for us. There is no questioning that. You are teaching me that love is not a goal... an end to be "achieved". It is a continuously evolving phenomena. It has no boundary, no end. It will always be that way. This is because you and I are good. We've both seen, lived and breathed the horrors of what we thought was failure. That is a past concept in our lives now. I look at them as steps UP to each other. They have to be. You are all that I've ever dreamed of in a woman and I hope that I can be all that you've dreamed of in a man.

All my love to you!

INVICTUS

**I've carried this poem with me since the age of 18....

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.